God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
