i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
