so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
