I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
