just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
