I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
