lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
