remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
