How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
