bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
