Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
