Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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