Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
