"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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