Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
