I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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