Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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