Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
