take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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