the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She needs sedatives and a leash
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You don't make any sense
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