Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
