I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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