the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
