Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
