High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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