he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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