Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
