Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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