btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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