Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
