So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
