i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
