I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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