I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
