people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
