I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
