Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
