who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
