I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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