in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
