I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
