Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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