My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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