Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
