god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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