Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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