Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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