he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
