Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
