I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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